Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
