Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize