she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Randomize
