You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
