I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
