Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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