Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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