Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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