how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
