Kiss
Puke
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
