This is not my ceiling
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
