We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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