In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
