My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
