It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
