Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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