Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
