Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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