Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
