Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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