I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we should paint friendship bongs
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