if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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