I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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