I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
