I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
