I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
