**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
