Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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