Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
