I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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