My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize