my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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