it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
