Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
