I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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