I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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