I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
