I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
