never play flip cup with pint glasses
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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