I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The air taste purple.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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