never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
