We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
