haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
