haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
