Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
