Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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