the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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