Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
