Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
