smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
