Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
