I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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