Swine flu. Run for my life!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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