If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
