bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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