my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
