So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
