You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
