I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize