Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
