Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
