Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
