my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
