im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
