I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
