I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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