I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
