Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
