They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize