Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
