My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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