If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
